Great quote I just heard

"I feel sorry for you.

You have to validate yourself     through insatiable, meaningless, ego sport-sex     

with insecure girls"

Oh, hoes.

I thank my mother and other family members for instilling a little bit of dignity in me. I will never understand slutty people. How can you sleep with a different person every night? Or ever week? Or hell, even every month? It's just gross. Really, really disgusting people.

People like that need therapy. Obviously, someone failed them at some point in their up-bringing. Have some respect for yourself.

fts

I've been away from home for 5 years and I'M FUCKING DONE. I never want to go anyplace humid ever again. fuck this shit.

fuck this place

i just want to go home and STAY THERE

yooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu make me want to jump out a 3 story window, but since I'm too chicken to actually do anything like that, I'll just take lots of pills and starve myself a little. It's my way of having control over a life that I hate and have no control over right now.

Well oh my stars

I am soooooooooooo excited to drive across the country and see new places. Especially during the Autumn seasonal transition.... I love fall and it's going to be beautiful!

I hate that Ron is in Korea now but the silver lining to that is while he's gone, I catch up on my reading and gym time. And video games....

The name game

I wonder if anybody has done any research on certain qualities (or lack thereof) occur in certain names more often. (Like....Heathers and Bobs are fat, Lisas and Lindas are batshit crazy, Kellys are sluts, Britneys are dumb as posts, Bills are smart, or whatever). Aside from the obvious, don't name your daughter's stupid names like Trixie or Cookie. If they've done such research, I wonder what the average intelligence level of Stephanie is. And the names of my friends and family. Maybe I'll look it up sometime.

Happy pills

You know that feeling when you take a bunch of Sudafed or cold medicine and everything seems really bright, you feel super energized and light-headed? That's how these new happy pills make me feel. Like I'm all spun out. It's kinda neat.

I don't do monotinous or mundane.

I was not put on this earth to do any kind of typical day-in, day-out job. I hate typical hours and schedules. I fail at dayshift. I hate computers.

So, either I was put here to NOT WORK AT ALL... or to, you know, actually do something I like. Work with animals. Or be famous, whichever comes first.

fuck airports

I turned down a trip to Korea in 8th grade and a trip to Japan in 11th. What I need is a really sweet Winnibego, a couple of my closest friends, some money, and a fucking amazing journey around the United States. THAT, I would love. No schedule, no hotels, no planes. Just whatever. It sounds amazing.

"I would rather be an intelligent cynic than a blissful idiot."

...

The doctor is starting me on Welbutrin because it's a stimulant antidepressant and she said I show signs of ADHD. This is apparently what they prescribe to depressed ADHD people. She also said most people who take it lose weight -- I don't particularly need to lose weight (unless I could scrape 10 pounds off JUST MY LEGS), but a few pounds wouldn't upset me in the slightest.

Also, after reading Kitchen Confidential, I'm convinced my boyfriend thinks he's Anthony Bourdain. Whatever. I just hope he ages better than Tony is.

...and then my garage/storage unit flooded

People that constantly have to try and prove to everybody that they are strong and happy and 'OMG MY LIFE IS SO AWESOME!!!' are really annoying. Like my best friend told me yesterday, "Life fucking blows. Don't try and cover up the smell of bullshit with cheap perfume."

I will exude happiness...WHEN I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY. I'm not dishonest. I'm not a faker. I hate that corny crap. I'm not going to lie and pretend I'm happy or try and cover up my disgust with some chipper sounding daily affirmation. I'm going to be real, just as I always have been. And that is why I appreciate and respect my friends back at home.

Yeah, everybody knows the girl who is always laughing and down to do anything....but she's always fucking drunk. I'm not talking about myself, btw. Or there's the guy that sounds like Mister Rogers, "everything is beautiful! Just look at it different!" Dude...spare me the sugar-coated horse shit. You can play like everything is unicorns and rainbows in public but I know you go home and cry yourself to sleep. I do not want to be like either of these people.

I'm being tested by nature and fate every damn day. I'm on a steep uphill crawl towards being back on the west coast where I belong. And I feel like this is the cosmos way of saying, "HERE, bitch. We're going to throw every means of roadblocks in your way to crush your soul before you leave this god-foresaken state. That way, once you're finally out, it'll feel THAT MUCH BETTER."

So whatever. Just make this last month or so go fast, please. I've got better shit to do than this, and I feel like the people here are getting dumber by the day.

i am SO over this.

Fuck. This. Shit.
Get out of my house, I'm trying to sleep.
I can't wait to move.