Mid-Twenties Crisis

As I stand on the edge of 24, I come to the realization that I am in the midst of one of those so-called "mid-twenties crisis.'" You know, the kind where you realize "I got married when I was 20 to a guy I had only known for 6 weeks. What was I thinking?"

I feel like I've missed out on the fun and mystery that one's twenties have to offer. It's not that I don't like my husband - I think we'd make good buddies. He's a great guy. We just have absolutely nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and I have no desire to sleep with him. Much the way you feel about your buddies.

I don't want to go out and skank it up. I just want to head out on my own odyssey, do some self-discovery, have some fun, get some fresh air. I want to live on my own for the first time in my life.

When I joined the military, I was freshly out of a 4 year relationship, moved onto an instant boyfriend, and was cheated on while I was in basic training. So, when I met my husband during tech school, I was a lonely, frightened young girl, thousands of miles away from home and on my own for the first time ever. I saw him as a cute, superman type. And when they said if we didn't get married, we would go to separate bases, the decision was a feverish one: Let's get married and figure the rest out later.

My husband, I believe, lived somewhat of a sheltered life, lacking in relationship experience, and a bit naive as to what he really wants in life. He needs to trek out and find himself, as well. He needs to feel what it's like to live on his own. This may sound insensitive, but he needs to meet other girls. Seeing as I emotionally checked out of this marriage some time ago, it would actually make me happy to see him out doing his own thing.

I wish he felt the same. I could pack my shit up and head out on my own tomorrow and not be sad at all. What kills me is seeing how sad he gets when I tell him this. I hope he comes to terms soon - once he does, he'll be much happier.